Sunday, July 13, 2008

Shocking Healthcare Study.

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children�s Healthcare

I saw a plastic bag filled with poop and a blueberry muffin on the sidewalk the other day. What happened? Did someone hate their muffin so much that they pooped on it? Did they have an emergency poop on the way back from the bakery? Did they poop in the bag and then their friend said, "Oh, throw the rest of my muffin in there too?"

Monday, July 7, 2008

Abby's Nightmare Comes With Butter

1. Abby had a nightmare on Saturday night. She dreamed of a couple of boys that got a "bread infection." Their bodies started turning into loaves of bread. Eventually, they were unable to dance anymore, so they ate their arms instead. Can anyone really doubt that she's my child?

2. I took the kids to see Joan Jett the other night with friends of ours. I am amazed by how many people ask, "Who's Joan Jett?" If you were just wondering that, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Let me tell you, she was so so so awesome. The girls have been pretending to be guitar goddesses since the show.

3. I am starting to get really nervous about the election. I know that the Bay Area will vote for Obama, but I'm really worried about the middle of the country. If you have any ideas on how I can influence the Midwest and South, let me know. I'm not worried about my family - they are all diehard Dems. Leo's family are ALL Republicans, though. They're all also unwilling to think critically about politics - they're really dogmatic, even in the face of such blatant jackassery. I'm trying to think of a good threat - maybe that if they don't vote for Obama, I will make the kids leave them daily voicemails that say they forgive them for royally fucking their futures. What do you think?

xo have a great week!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Let's Hope She Doesn't Figure It Out Soon

When Emma is wants something that I don't want to give her (her own iPod, a horse, more Littlest Petshops), she spends about 1548 hours whining or being snotty.

Recently, she's begun ending the whining period by proclaiming, "If you don't (insert whatever she wants here), I'm not going to speak to you for an hour!!"

Kid, you don't realize what a gift that is!